.......and not in a good way.
I have at least a million different colored thoughts running parallel and all leading to the same direction....astray.And I might as well be schizophrenic for the emotional roller-coaster ride I am going through. For starters, my brother came back after a long trip to India. I had been living alone in the house for over six months and I had gotten used to it. In fact, weirdly in my mind, I consider the house to be an entity with feelings. Don't ask. So at the moment, his returning is somewhat bittersweet. I liked being alone but I am also very happy and relieved he is back.Does that make sense? Then, of course, there is the joy of a relative returning from an overseas trip with a suitcase full of goodies. My mother, is of the opinion, I don't wear traditional Indian dresses often enough ( read, never), so she wanted to send me a salwar. I said , sure, just make sure it's not a pink thing. She sent me a pink salwar.
....
I am not upset or anything.I am happy to receive anything I am given. The irony just makes me laugh to myself. My mom was anxious that I wouldn't like it. I like it.It's pretty. Nonetheless, it's still hilarious that after looking through multitudes of stores for that perfect dress, she settled on a pink one,when my only requirement of a dress was : not pink. One of the reasons, I like this salwar is because it makes me shake my head and laugh every time I see it. It's too pink.My mom describes the color as...not pink, its more of an onion-ish tint. Yes,its a pink onion salwar. To make up for the pinkness, she also sent me a box of nut butterscotch candies that I love. I have already finished that. Feeling a little bit queasy now.
Then I am impatient. One of my best friends got into an IIM. For those that don't know,an IIM is to business schools in India , what the vatican is to Roman catholics. I am impatient. He's living my dream now. And I can't even embark on that dream in the near future. I am very happy for him and wish him a great amount of luck and success in his life. He's worked hard to be where he is at. I am proud of him,truthfully. He deserves it.
I would like to get into NYU someday. NYU is to me, what Mecca is to muslims. But again, take one look at the entry criteria. Required ingredients : Merit, finances,job experience. Merit is a matter of hard work. Finances,as I have come to understand, is a matter of luck...and some planning. Experience takes time.Min. three years like it says on their website.I am impatient to begin that journey. And there is still a long way to go.
Second choice is Harvard. There is something just about the name Harvard. Also , I like their case-study based approach to learning. Hrmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...... Even writing about this dream makes me feel happier and rejuvenated. Suffice to say, I have a lot riding on this dream. My entire life. I guess in that sense, I should relish the wait. It is a life long dream of mine, I am almost afraid to get it too early.
Also, in a bid to stick to my ethics, I am probably in the middle of giving up a few things I loved and cherished. I am not happy, but I am right. Firstly, it doesn't do for one person to have two radically different career dreams in one life time. So goodbye Ph.D in philosophy. I pick corporate ambition over you. I had been toying with this idea for too long now, and even though I like how Dr. such and such sounds, it's a dead-end idea to play with. Especially for an international student in the United States of expensive lifestyles. Secondly, and this will be cryptic, because I am just annoying that way : Bird in hand is better than two in the bush. I know. I picked the bush anyway. Very soon I will have lost three birds. As things should be. I did it anyway. My justification is, I didn't want to regret and wonder what if. After I lose the birds, I think I will stick to pets that can't fly away/run away. Like turtles.
Finally, everything they ever said on step-mothers?
That's.all.true.
In fact, people are euphemistic.
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