Thought of the day

Make the outside world ,including its people and things, a part of your happiness, not the source. Your happiness should be like a snow-fed river, like say the Ganga. The Ganga flows through so much pollution, it gets bogged down with the waste of civilization in every city. Yet all that waste doesn't matter to its source, which is far removed from everything else and flows on like nothing has happened. The source of your happiness should be like the untainted glacier from which the river flows and where people can never reach, that way, even when others are a part of your happiness ...they can only magnify or lessen it with their presence...like the city waste determines the speed of the river. No one can wholly take away your happiness if they can never get hold of the source.
On the other hand, if your happiness depends on other people, then it's a rain fed river. And rain-fed rivers are seasonal.

To a consumerist Valentine

Solitude
Laugh, and the world laughs with you;

Weep, and you weep alone.

For the sad old earth must borrow its mirth,

But has trouble enough of its own.

Sing, and the hills will answer;

Sigh, it is lost on the air.

The echoes bound to a joyful sound,

But shrink from voicing care.

Rejoice, and men will seek you;

Grieve, and they turn and go.

They want full measure of all your pleasure,

But they do not need your woe.

Be glad, and your friends are many;

Be sad, and you lose them all.

There are none to decline your nectared wine,

But alone you must drink life's gall.

Feast, and your halls are crowded;

Fast, and the world goes by.

Succeed and give, and it helps you live,

But no man can help you die.

There is room in the halls of pleasure

For a long and lordly train,

But one by one we must all file on

Through the narrow aisles of pain.

- Ella Wheeler Wilcox

I chanced upon this poem after a long time back and suddenly, the I have begun to appreciate the meaning in a whole different light. I....................have grown up. lol.

And my mind took a religious turn.....

Why ?

Why not? :P

For some reason, and its never a good idea to look at a gift horse too closely in the mouth, I kind of want to get more involved with culture, heritage and all the associated bling.

I even went on Amazon to check out prayer beads.

See how pumped I am =D

ॐ शान्ति॒ः शान्ति॒ः शान्ति॑ः ॥

( Om, peace, peace, peace || )

Shallow.

Shallow. So shallow. So blind too.

And so convinced,

That it was me,not you.

Your conviction convinced me.

Perhaps it really was me,not you.

But actions speak louder than words

and I can no longer pretend to keep seeing,

that which never was.

It's not that my eyes opened just now.

I only realized, yours never will.

You'll remain shallow, so shallow.

And so blind too.

It never was me.

Only you.

Not much of a poem. lol.

My mind feels like a kaleidoscope...

.......and not in a good way.

I have at least a million different colored thoughts running parallel and all leading to the same direction....astray.And I might as well be schizophrenic for the emotional roller-coaster ride I am going through. For starters, my brother came back after a long trip to India. I had been living alone in the house for over six months and I had gotten used to it. In fact, weirdly in my mind, I consider the house to be an entity with feelings. Don't ask. So at the moment, his returning is somewhat bittersweet. I liked being alone but I am also very happy and relieved he is back.Does that make sense? Then, of course, there is the joy of a relative returning from an overseas trip with a suitcase full of goodies. My mother, is of the opinion, I don't wear traditional Indian dresses often enough ( read, never), so she wanted to send me a salwar. I said , sure, just make sure it's not a pink thing. She sent me a pink salwar.

....

I am not upset or anything.I am happy to receive anything I am given. The irony just makes me laugh to myself. My mom was anxious that I wouldn't like it. I like it.It's pretty. Nonetheless, it's still hilarious that after looking through multitudes of stores for that perfect dress, she settled on a pink one,when my only requirement of a dress was : not pink. One of the reasons, I like this salwar is because it makes me shake my head and laugh every time I see it. It's too pink.My mom describes the color as...not pink, its more of an onion-ish tint. Yes,its a pink onion salwar. To make up for the pinkness, she also sent me a box of nut butterscotch candies that I love. I have already finished that. Feeling a little bit queasy now.

Then I am impatient. One of my best friends got into an IIM. For those that don't know,an IIM is to business schools in India , what the vatican is to Roman catholics. I am impatient. He's living my dream now. And I can't even embark on that dream in the near future. I am very happy for him and wish him a great amount of luck and success in his life. He's worked hard to be where he is at. I am proud of him,truthfully. He deserves it.

I would like to get into NYU someday. NYU is to me, what Mecca is to muslims. But again, take one look at the entry criteria. Required ingredients : Merit, finances,job experience. Merit is a matter of hard work. Finances,as I have come to understand, is a matter of luck...and some planning. Experience takes time.Min. three years like it says on their website.I am impatient to begin that journey. And there is still a long way to go.

Second choice is Harvard. There is something just about the name Harvard. Also , I like their case-study based approach to learning. Hrmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...... Even writing about this dream makes me feel happier and rejuvenated. Suffice to say, I have a lot riding on this dream. My entire life. I guess in that sense, I should relish the wait. It is a life long dream of mine, I am almost afraid to get it too early.

Also, in a bid to stick to my ethics, I am probably in the middle of giving up a few things I loved and cherished. I am not happy, but I am right. Firstly, it doesn't do for one person to have two radically different career dreams in one life time. So goodbye Ph.D in philosophy. I pick corporate ambition over you. I had been toying with this idea for too long now, and even though I like how Dr. such and such sounds, it's a dead-end idea to play with. Especially for an international student in the United States of expensive lifestyles. Secondly, and this will be cryptic, because I am just annoying that way : Bird in hand is better than two in the bush. I know. I picked the bush anyway. Very soon I will have lost three birds. As things should be. I did it anyway. My justification is, I didn't want to regret and wonder what if. After I lose the birds, I think I will stick to pets that can't fly away/run away. Like turtles.

Finally, everything they ever said on step-mothers?

That's.all.true.

In fact, people are euphemistic.